I crash violently over the sand and shells. I bleed and I burn as I Gasp for breath. I Suffocate under the weight who I think I am. Who I thought I was. Who I think I should be. Suffocating under the weight of ME.
Sometimes I sail ahead of the wave.
Excited and feeling so high on life. I sail up farther and farther ahead. So far ahead that I loose sight of my wave and find myself utterly lost and abandoned. Though I am the one that has done the leaving. This sends me belly up, like a beached whale, I lay stranded on the shore. Forced to wait for my wave to creep back up on the sand, and pull me back home.
Sometimes I ride the wave.
Flowing not ahead, not behind, but just riding it. Allowing it to move me to the right place and time. Simply ‘showing up’ where-ever I am sent. Simply BEING present and simply DOING what is in front of me. Things go lightening fast when I am able to catch a wave – and it is difficult to stay there. So easy to get so excited that I fly ahead, or get stuck by some old habit and drug back under.
But sometimes. Sometimes I do none of the above.
Sometimes I am the wave.
As my youngest daughter glided through her passageway to life in human form – I was the wave.
As I spoke at my dear friend’s funerals, allowing them to penetrate my soul and speak with me and through me – I was the wave.
Even aboard my sweet Mustang Silver Lining at the 2012 EMM – I was the wave.
I could tangibly FEEL the Angels all around and all within me at those times in my life and I have never felt such immersion into the divine.
To not be ahead of the wave, to not be drug under the wave and to not even be riding the wave – to BE the wave. As if the cells of my skin and my heart and my toes, were also the cells of that wave.
In fact – they are.
It is all the same wave.
_ Mary Miller Jordan – MMJ and Mustangs
Thank you Good Call Photography – Jan DeVos for this capture of my sweet Silver Lining and I.