It has been 4 years since that social services story. My oldest daughter, the one that took the lady in high heels for a walk all over over farm and asked her to please come back … that daughter. She is now 10 years old. I realized that it was time I shared with her the ‘behind the scenes’ of what had happened that day. She said she does not remember it, I guess it was just not a big enough deal to have stood out in her 6 year old mind. Ha! … of course it wasn’t. Oh this child of mine. Shall she lead the way …

OK, here is our Q and A …

Mama (that’s me) – Ok, so to start off with I want to be sure you know that you were not actually at risk for being taken away. But at the time, I was so stuck in fear and shock of the situation that I just could not even think straight … or rather I could think perfectly straight, but only straight to visions of things I had seen on TV. I was seeing straight to that, not the clarity that was resting in my mind behind my fears.

When I was younger I used to watch crime TV shows, especially one called “Special Victims Unit” It often showed a Child Protections Officer beating on a door and demanding the children be handed over. In the stories in this show, the children were truly in danger.

Zarina (this is my oldest, she changed her name to this, but that is another story!) – Wait a minute … We don’t watch TV. You watched TV? … Like that? … Why would you watch something like that?

Mama – Oh my, well yes, you are so right. Why, would I ….

Zarina – (looking at me like I am crazy) Oookaaay then …

Sooo what I really wanted to say was about the part where I took the lady around the farm and introduced her to the animals. Now, I do not remember this exact day, but I do remember myself back then and well, you did not say anything about chickens. I know I would have introduced her to the chickens. I mean everyone thinks chickens are just clumsy and brainless, but they really are not. People think chickens are trying to fly when they flap their wings and it looks clumsy. But that is only because they are not really trying to fly, they are more so trying to boost their jump. You know, so they can jump up on rafters in the barn. And well, they are really good at it.

If people knew what the chickens were actually doing when they flapped their wings, they would realize that chickens are not clumsy at all. It is just that people do not know life from the chicken’s perspective. And so they pick on chickens and even call them brainless. … Yet the people are the ones that are not even seeing what the chickens are actually trying to do.

Mama – Wow, I hear you. This makes a lot of sense. And you are so right, you totally would have showed her the chickens. I bet you picked one up for her to pet.

Zarina – (laughs)

Mama – Ok, there is really something else I wanted to talk about too. And it is really not so different from what you said about the chickens … well the ‘perspective part’ you pointed to.

Just like it is hard for a person to see from the perspective of a chicken, it is also hard for people to see from the unique perspectives of one another. The person that called in on our family, that person had a different vision of our family than what was actually the truth. And that can happen, because we are all seeing life around us from our own unique perspectives.

And just as that person could not see from the perspective of our family, I too could not see from their perspective. It was really hard, well impossible really, for me to see from their perspective in that moment four years ago, because I was too wrapped up in my own fear, my own insecurities and my own judgements.

Zarina – Yea, and what about the lady that came out! I bet her perspective was different as well. What if she had to take children away from dangerous situations before. Oh wow, that would have been so hard for her. And for them.

Mama – Wow. Yes. You are so so right.

And what about those families, those parents that are in those situations. People that even caused harm to their children. You know no one is just born wanting that to happen. They must have had such difficult life experiences themselves that would have paved the way for this to be their reality. Their perspective of life – oh my. They must hurt so deeply.

When people hurt other people. It is always because they are hurting. Who knows, maybe this person that called in had an experience where they feared for a child’s wellbeing that they knew. Maybe they had reason to feel that way. Maybe they really, truly felt they had reason to feel that way about us. …

Or maybe they were hurting so bad and in so much fear that all they could see was what they feared. …

Just like me, when I first received that phone call that day.

Oh wow.

Perspective has a way of changing it all.

-M
-Z