I knew I wanted a home birth with my second child.
Do not get me wrong – my first birth was amazing, it left me feeling like superwoman and gifted me a world changing spirit wrapped up in human form – better known to all as Filleigh Kay Jordan.
As amazing as it was, it was not an experience I wanted to recreate. It was powerfully intense, as if I was being drug beneath violent crashing waves, surviving due to pure grit and determination.
My labor had been induced by Pitocin, at the doctor’s insistence because my waters had broken and my body was not progressing into labor as fast as the doctor wanted. I had managed to refuse any other intervention (no pain medicine) which I will be forever thankful for. (also so thankful to our doula, Cecilia, who was a HUGE help in this birth) I am certain had I agreed to pain management that it would have been followed by more intervention. In this birth, when the doctor insisted I ‘push harder’ I needed that pain to ‘push against’. Seeing as she (doctor) had a set of forceps at her side, I was sure thankful to be able to push harder and get my daughter out before she felt the need to help us in the way she knew how.
The birth was powerful, intense and left me feeling like the most supernatural all mighty, super woman to have ever walked the planet. I will be forever grateful for the gift of that emotion and I still tap into it often. There is nothing I cannot do, I know that now. The birth of my first daughter proved that to my human mind, something my heart always knew.
For my second birth, I knew it was meant to be different. Something within me knew I wanted a home birth before we had even conceived our second daughter. Her spirit had sought me out long before conception and I know she was guiding my thoughts from early on. She first came to see us riding the spirit of a white dove – the same way Filleigh Kay introduced her spirit to us. Not long after that I felt her nudging me to give her the opportunity to move into her human form. She was so excited to experience life. She had chosen our family, our farm, our life to experience and she was so ready. I procrastinated a bit, I had other things I still wanted to do before being pregnant again, but I just knew she was so ready, I knew that as soon as we ‘took the raincoat off’ she would be conceived – and in Nov. when we finally did, that was exactly what happened.
My first interaction with our midwife, Olivia Marshburn, was a fb message from her inquiring about horseback riding lessons. I did not know her then, nor anything about her and based on her enthusiastic youthful message, I assumed her to be a high school age girl that was passionate about horses. Once I looked into her fb page I realized she was my mother’s age and was a midwife! Now I was the one filled with youthful enthusiasm. She attended one of my local clinics and I was drawn to her soul right away. Her smile lights up everything and everyone around her. Her natural energy is flowing, peaceful, confident and open. I could tell from first feel that she was a woman that led her life by the guide of her own intuition and, as someone who does the same, I took great confidence in that. I was her fan from that first moment and I told her right there that I hoped to have her be our midwife… this was a few months before conception, but as I said our daughter was ready and I knew it would not be long.
I had been very active during my first pregnancy, even gentled my first wild Mustang and competed at my first Extreme Mustang Makeover half way across the country at 7 months pregnant. I had no reason to think this one would be any different. So, I organized a busy schedule of horse clinics, demos, retreats etc. as this has become my livelihood.
The beginning of the pregnancy was already different from my first. I had a mild level of nausea that just would not go away, for the first 4 months I just physically felt yucky and could not shake it. I also started showing much sooner, I looked at 4 months like I did at 7 months with my first! That did not bother me emotionally, but physically it seemed to. My belly area would be achy all the time and I started have a lot of tightness to accompany it. Even still I continued to move forward with my commitments.
Apparently I was not getting the message, so at 20 weeks it was sent to me first class mail and it was a scary delivery. As I got up from using the bathroom and went to flush I saw a huge amount of bright red blood in the toilet. My heart jumped in my throat and I headed to our midwife’s office.
As I drove I had the most peaceful feeling move over me. The feeling was accompanied by the knowing that this would be just fine, the baby would be fine, but this was meant to get my attention and it was imperative I drastically adjust my schedule – omitting anything slightly strenuous, strenuous in body or mind. When this type of ‘answer’ arrives to me before I even have ask a question and when it is carried on such peace, I know it is right.
When I arrived at the office, Olivia was obviously concerned. After doing some exams and tests she concluded that although I was not visibly dilated, I was possibly at risk for a pre-term birth. This was just too early for the baby to come into the world, we had to ensure she waited. I had to be still.
Be still. I went home and began canceling my obligations. It was hard to do. I love my work, it is my passion, my hobby and my life. It was not easy to back out on promises I had made to others and give up opportunities that I was anxious to experience. But it was clearly what I was meant to do and I was embraced with such kindness from everyone, especially those I had to cancel with. I was so touched by their kindness.
This pregnancy desired and demanded my full attention. That is what I would give it.
As the months passed I read and watched every ounce of information I could about home birth deliveries. I devoted my time, heart and soul to learning how to give this baby the birth she deserved and so obviously desired. I have never been so connected in Body, Mind and Energy as I was during those months. If my emotions would get even slightly ‘off’ – my body would manifest them into cramps and discomfort. It was like my uterus was an instant guide to keep me positive and on the right path. What a blessing that was, but it was not always easy. Sometimes it is just easier to allow myself to get low and just stay there for a while. Sometimes it is easier to stay down than it is to pick myself up again. … But this baby, this pregnancy just would not tolerate that. So I did everything I could to release my worries and live in a space of positivity and love.
In my study of natural home births I found myself drawn to a water birth. The biggest factor for me was how it seemed the mother could easily do everything herself in a water birth. I wanted to birth this baby into my own hands and it seemed the water helped facilitate that. The water is also well known for easing labor pains and that was a plus in my mind as well. I had a strong feeling my labor would move fast and I was concerned there would be no time to set up our midwife’s birth pool that she kept with her. Thankfully I was able to rent one and felt relieved to know we would have it on hand anytime.
It was such a relief when we were far enough along in the pregnancy that she would be ok if born, but I did not want a premature hospital birth and I knew this baby did not want that either. July 12th marked the first day that I could have a home birth. The baby would be 37 weeks and though still early, it would be safe for her to arrive. I think I almost convinced myself that July 12th was our due date because I was surprised when she did not come right away once that date came and left. I had moved from being still to being ready – really ready and even went a few days feeling not so patient about waiting longer.
I sat on the bed and practiced one of the breathing exercises that Olivia had suggested and I had been reading about.
It was about breathing the baby out, not pushing her out – just breathing her out. This was a brand new concept to me. When I was delivering my first daughter in the hospital the doctor had seemed almost panicky to me as she insisted I push harder and harder. Take a breath in, hold it and PUSH. My daughter had her hand by her head in the birth canal and was not moving out as fast as the doctor wanted. I was left with the impression that they must get out of the birth canal as fast as possible, but after more reading and talking with Olivia, I realized that breathing her out could be actually faster than pushing, plus it was ok for her to ease out of the birth canal, as long as her vitals were strong. Continuing to breath myself would help ensure she was getting enough oxygen. Having a gentle, flowing birth was so important to me and this baby. Breathing her out just made sense.
To practice, I would take a breath in and as I exhaled I would imagine the baby moving down lower in my uterus … She was wide awake as I did this and I was amazed at how she synchronized with my wishes. On every exhale I felt her drop and even crawl down lower. It actually hurt, because as she pushed lower it pressed on my nerves and shot pains down my legs (much like I hit the electric fence!) This was no fluke, she did it 20 times, every time I asked. I finally realized it might be smart to stop asking her to dig her way out of a uterus that was obviously not open yet. As I sat there it dawned on me that I had been thinking about this all wrong. I had been thinking I was waiting for the baby to decide she was ready to be born, feeling like it was all up to her. But here she was, trying to do as I asked and that was not enough. This process was bigger than her, it was bigger than me. This birth was being orchestrated by the creative force within both of us. The same creator that moves the tides was and is existing within us both and guiding our minds to align with its energy so that our bodies could manifest the ultimate reality we all craved to experience… “All” meaning myself, the baby and our creator. We ALL craved this experience, but it would take us ALL being fully aligned for it to manifest.
That night it dawned on me to look up the full moon cycle. I discovered a full moon would be approaching the upcoming week – and not just any full moon, but a blue moon. I read about how synchronized our natural rhythm is with the cycles of the moon. As it is approaching full, the pressure changes affect the fluid filled uterus just as they move the tides. This was the creative force working its magic within us. It was not about what the baby or I thought we wanted or any timeline I thought we were on, this was about aligning with our unified flow. I had been craving this openness and flow throughout this pregnancy. I know the baby deeply desired it too. This flow was happening, I just needed to align with it.
As I pondered the connective nature of the universe I thought of all of those wonderful people who were praying for this baby to stay inside of me. I needed to let them know how we were, I needed to let them know they could release those prayers. The power of unified vibrations, positivity and prayer is real. All of them (all of you) needed to know all was well. I made a public post that next day and I felt a huge release of being anxiously ready to simply being ready, but also just as ready to wait.
Monday night my husband and I sat out on the porch. We watched the moon rise over the tree line. It was approaching full and it glowed softly. I moved my chair where the moon could light my belly and I rubbed it in a circle. (I had read this synchronizes your body with the moon) … Now I was not fully expecting anything to happen, the moon was not yet full, but it was so nice to soak in the night like this – so we did.
I had to pee constantly while pregnant, so I stood up and went into the yard to pee (we live on a farm, our neighbors are birds and trees – I pee in the yard a lot 🙂 ) As I squatted I felt a soft ‘pop’ from inside. Nothing gushed out, so I was not certain, but I thought my water had sprung a leak. I walked inside, and saw a trickle of reddish fluid streak down my leg. I started giggling and dancing in place I was so excited. I showed my husband and told him what I had just felt. I was not sure if I would go into labor right away, my waters had broken with my first daughter too and it did not result in immediate labor, but I knew it was a sure sign labor was approaching and I was ecstatic.
This was around 9:45 pm Monday night, July 27th. We immediately went to straightening up the house, putting the new sheets on the bed, blowing up the pool – all the things we had planned out. I debated on how soon to call our midwife. I did not have painful contractions, I was having them, but heck I had been having them for months! – These were different, but not painful. I really was not sure if I needed to, but I decided to let her know what was happening – I did have a strong feeling once labor started it would be fast. My uterus had been flexing its muscle for months now. We were ready for this!
I did call her and she asked me to time my painless contractions. When I did, I realized they were only 2 minutes apart! She opted to head my way, even though I certainly did not feel I needed her yet, but I was happy for her to come. Her energy is so positive, she makes feeling good easy – I welcomed her presence, need it or not..
We continued to get the house ready. I remembered I had wanted to have the ball available. It was not a birth ball, it was actually a horse ball and had a hole in it that we had tried to plug. I was so fixated on using the pool to birth in that I had not thought much about the ball, but I did want to have it available. Thankfully the last patch we had applied had stuck and we blew it up.
As Mike continued to get things ready my contractions did start to build. I was filled with excitement to realize this was finally happening. This experience that we had been planning for, for so long, it was happening. Our baby was about to enter the world! I was ecstatic.
I called my mom, who was thankfully close by, and asked her to please unlock the gate for the midwife and to text the list of friends and family that I had gathered to keep them posted.
I jumped in the shower to wash my feet so I would not dirty up the birthing tub (I had been walking outside in sandals that day) The contractions continued to build. About ten minutes before Olivia (midwife) arrived they had built to the point I needed to manage them. I say ‘manage’, because they were not always painful, as a matter of fact the pain intensity was totally determined by how I did manage them. I had read so many things about positions to be in and various ways to deal with contractions. I did not know what would work for me, I just knew that what I did last time was not what I wanted this time. Last time I had just muscled through it. I rode it out and it was a very rough ride. I had felt my face and hands go entirely numb at one point, likely from not breathing.
This time I knew what I did not want. I knew what I did want. I was just not certain how to obtain it.
I tied a sheet to the top of a door and tried hanging from it. This did not work. I looked at the pool as it had about 3 inches of water and was filling up at the pace of a snail and quickly realized the tub was not going to be an option either. I then looked at the horse ball, I covered it with a clean sheet and straddled it. The contractions continued to build and I tried moving my hips around in different ways. I had seen countless videos of birth where this swinging hip motion seemed so helpful. I quickly discovered that if I would rock my hips forward on the ball, somewhat stretching my belly and then swing my hips side to side that it helped tremendously. I had to hold onto the doorknob and bed rail to keep from falling forward, but thankfully we had that available.
As it turned out that ball was where I stayed through labor and delivery. The fact that I had wanted the tub caused me to decide to leave the bed set up in the room as it was, versus change it out for a larger one as we planned to do after the birth. This enabled me to have the bed rail to hold onto. My fixation on having that tub actually created the perfect situation for using the ball. I am amazed at how perfectly things fall into place when we flow with their natural progression. I could have easily panicked over the tub not filling fast enough, I had been very adamant about having it available. But I have learned time and again that often we are meant to be fixated on one reality, in order to create the perfect setting for an even better reality we were unaware of experiencing.
Once I found my flow on the ball, I asked Mike to set up the camera, feeling so certain now that this was happening fast. The rate at which the intensity was building was intense itself. Our midwife, Olivia, slipped in and began setting up. She pulled out her oxygen tank and other supplies she had ‘just in case’. I do not think many realize how capable a properly trained midwife is. She brings the hospital to you. She can resuscitate mother and child, she can fix an umbilical cord that has wrapped around the neck, she can do all sorts of things and she knows when and if a move to the hospital is necessary … and when the opportunity allows, she can simply be there and allow the creative force within mother and child – to create.
After about 20 minutes of contractions that I needed to ‘manage’ the intensity had reached a point that if I was not managing them properly I would really regret it. It was like I was given this little ‘how to’ introduction and now that I knew what I needed to do, it was time to do it.
I had read a lot about the need to stay on top of the contraction, but I had yet to figure out exactly what that meant for me. I quickly figured it out.
I had a moment’s time, just as the contraction was beginning to think about beginning that I needed to align my flow with its upcoming flow. Some compare it to paddling out to catch a wave. For me it meant physically beginning that swinging motion and mentally visualizing my cervix widening with each sweep as I rocked side to side on the horse ball. If anyone said anything to me in this brief window it knocked me off my flow. The physical motion was not enough – it took all of me to align with the upcoming wave of contraction.
Sometimes I missed this tiny window of opportunity and I felt the contraction build before I had aligned with it. These contractions were almost as intense as those I had survived in the hospital with my first daughter’s birth. It was as if they were huge waves that crashed on top of you and drug you underneath them, tossing you up on the shore on the other side. They would get you from point A to point B, but it was a hell of a ride to get there and you had no choice about going or not. You were going, either by suffocating beneath the crashing wave, or gently riding on top of it – either way – you were going.
Yes, I said you were going, either by suffocating beneath the crashing wave, or gently riding on top of it. This is the part that still baffles me to reflect on. I cannot fully wrap my mind around it, but I know it is true, because I lived it. For those contractions that I was able to fully align with. I felt no pain. Not less pain, but no pain. These were not earlier contractions, these were right before the actual birth. It could have been transition for all I know, I do not know exactly when transition occurred because I was blessed to be in an environment where there was no need to check my cervix constantly, or even at all. Our midwife could do that if we wanted it – or if she felt she needed to see it, but that was never the case.
For me, the way I fully aligned was to first move my body physically, hips rocked forward on the ball and swinging left to right as far as they would go. Then visualize the opening, wider and wider opening. I do recall a point, just before I felt her head enter the birth canal when I felt it very necessary to really focus on the visualization of that opening – of my cervix and hips, just complete relaxation and openness as I swayed far to the left, far to the right. I suppose this must have been transition, even though it was not the most intense of the contractions, because by this time I knew how to better align. … It must have been transition though, because it was immediately followed by pressure entering the birth canal.
This whole process of aligning fascinates me. I tend to think of two extremes in life – one is to work harder, grit down and dig in to get it done. The other extreme is to become fluid, flowing with life, letting life take you where it is meant to go, like a feather in the breeze. This labor showed me that neither of these extremes are really the answer. To have approached labor in a ‘work harder’ mindset would have put me crashing under the waves of contractions, because I would have been too tense and too stuck in my own mind to flow with my creator’s waves. To have approached it totally passive, as a feather in the wind would have tossed me under the waves as well, because I would have been too loose, not firmly aligned with their flow. It is the synchronicity of our vibrations (or will) with the natural vibrations (will) of our creator that is the key. Discovering how to synchronize is a unique path for everyone. Even in managing labor, different positions and thoughts help different women. It does not matter what it is that works for you, what matters is you seek it out and once you find it you commit everything within you to living it fully, in everything you do. That is synchronicity – that is complete alignment – that is the goal. In labor and in life.
I knew her head was entering the birth canal, I felt the pressure building. This immediately became a new flow all together. I reached to feel and at first did not feel her head yet, but I knew she was right there. At this point there was hardly a moment between contractions, they just flowed continually. I stopped swaying in order to let the birth canal create a straight decent. The pressure built. It was very easy to feel the pressure as pain, but I reminded myself that it was pressure. It was tremendous pressure and my body was designed to flow open in response to it. I focused every thought on the visual of my body allowing the pressure to open me physically more and more. I consciously breathed in and exhaled deeply, strongly. Exhaling the pressure more downward, just as I had practiced. ( TMI alert – I had practiced this a lot on the pot – pooping is a great way to practice breathing babies out! )
I felt her head move through my cervix. I checked again and felt the fuzzy soft lump that was the tip of her head. I continued to breathe her down, never pushing, just allowing – allowing the creative force within me to gently ease her down further and further.
I felt her (the baby) feel the pressure too. It was just as foreign to her as it was to me. I told her (with unspoken words) that everything was ok. We were both ok and she was doing wonderful. I felt her hear me and believe me.
I now physically felt her entire head within the birth canal. I do not know how I knew, but I knew exactly where she was. The pressure reached its peak in intensity and I felt a rush of relief move through me as I realized we had done it. I knew she would easily slide out from here.
It was like together we had grown this beautiful plant. It had taken great focus, love, determination and most of all synchronicity to grow this plant. This plant was just beneath the surface of the ground, it had grown through all the layers of hard dirt and rock. All that was left was a soft thin layer of topsoil to gently ease through and the full beauty of the plant would be exposed and experienced by all, including ourselves – those that had created it.
It was the only time I have been fully aware of manifestation before it took place. It was a magical moment to exist in. I wanted to freeze frame it forever. So I did.
My husband was kneeling with our midwife, at my feet in front of me. Anxiously watching as he waited for our daughter’s head to crown. I looked straight at him and simply smiled. He smiled back and even laughed as he watched me. That smile, that connection with him, it tagged that moment in time for us all. A moment of pure synchronicity, pure alignment with one another, with our child, with our creator. All flowing into one essence in a moment of time that stood still.
The waves of contractions continued to gently ease her along, I continued to breath, to resist any urge to push (there was not much urge to do that anyway) I kept one hand on her head, so I could feel her moving out into the world. The other hand was still hanging on to the doorknob. I needed to be positioned so forward on the ball to keep the angle of my pelvis right (right being the way it felt right for the baby to easily descend) that I had to hold onto the door knob to stay balanced. Just as she fully crowned one of the midwives said, “use your other hand” – It was just what I needed to hear, because in that moment I realized that I could now lean forward, because she was already coming out – I no longer needed a hand on the doorknob. I could put both hands on her!
As her head fully emerged she immediately started breathing and making soft gentle noises. Not a cry or a scream, just soft vocalizations as she breathed air for the first time. She softly slipped out and slid right into my hands. I pulled her up to my chest.
I could not believe it had all happened so quickly. From the first contraction I needed to ‘manage’ to the birth was only 45 minutes, the first 20 minutes of which were relatively mild. The pushing stage, which was more like a breathing stage for us, was one minute. So much had happened in a time frame that on the clock seemed to move so fast.
We let the cord continue to pump and nourish her until it stopped on its own. As she was breathing her first oxygen on her own from the air, the cord was still providing her oxygen from my breathing as well. It was a perfect flow to complete the transition of pure spirit to spirit on earth. We birthed the placenta not long after, then crawled into bed.
Filleigh Kay was in the bed in the same room the whole time asleep! I had wanted her to see the birth, but could not wake her. It worked out exactly as it needed to, because I needed my full attention on the birth itself. I was thankful she was in the room with us and we have the complete video of the entire experience to share with her. She woke a couple hours later and after being in a bit of shock, she went running to her room to gather presents for the baby. She was given stuffed animals, a singing angel doll (Thank you Helen!) and even construction paper for blankets. She was a bit upset she had missed it, but when we told her she could play in the indoor pool the next day (ie unused, now half way full birth tub) she was back to free spirited Filleigh Kay again!
After the cord had long finishing pumping our midwife clamped it and my husband cut it. All of this was done in our bedroom softly lit by clouds made for us by a dear friend (thank you Debbie), in remembrance of another dear friend who recently passed away. (sweet angel Beverly)
She was weighed by a handheld scale and all of the physical exam was done right there on the bed. Our midwife even waited until she was completely finished nursing to do any of the exam, she nursed easily and right away. She scored a 9 on her APGAR score. Total labor time was listed as 2 hours 45 minutes – this was from my water first leaking until placenta delivered. She was 20 inches long and 7 pounds 4 ounces.
Her name is Sorrael Lyn. She helped us pick it out. The ‘ael’ is for her daddy, Michael (Mike) and her Aunt Mikaela. The ‘Lyn’ is for her papa, my daddy, Lindsay. The rest is simply her own originality. We pronounce it ‘Sar-oll-in’
She has been the most peaceful baby. She smiled an hour after birth. Filleigh Kay made a noise in her sleep and Sorrael Lyn turned immediately to look at her. I feel like the spirits of babies can move freely into their new physical bodies, or hold back a bit, remaining more in the spirit world as their bodies experience life for the first time. The more gently and openly we can welcome them to our world, the more willingly they move into it.
I can already feel how much she loves our farm. She loves to sit on the porch and listen to the birds. Her daddy was telling her what fun she will have with all our animals and at the moment he said ‘animal’ she grinned. All I want to do is soak her in. I am at such a deeper, fuller place in my own spirituality than I was during my first birth. It was really becoming pregnancy with Filleigh Kay, my first daughter that seemed to ignite this burning desire to experience spirituality. I never craved it before, but I crave it more than anything else now and I grow closer to it every day. I credit the innate natural spirits of both of my daughters with my true love of life. It is not that I only love life through them, but I now crave to truly love life through me – in every way possible.
I am not sure what you call someone like me. I am sure there are plenty of names.
We do not have a nursery. Instead of a crib, we now have two double beds side by side and the whole family sleeps together. Filleigh Kay is far enough away that there is no chance of unintentionally touching the baby in her sleep, but yet close enough I can slide over to her to tell her Penelopie stories as she goes to sleep. The baby sleeps on me or right beside me. She nurses at will and we both sleep soundly, but I hear her slightest call and wake up if she needs me. I never went through any sleep deprivation after birth, other than the first night. It was not due to labor, nor due to the baby – it was simply because I was on such a high that I could not sleep and the next day was sleep deprived from it. I do what feels right, not what some doctors might or might not recommend. My intuition guides my actions and decisions, above all else. My intuition says it is normal and natural for this baby to stay attached to me physically the majority of the time. My intuition says that it is normal for her to only by held by her daddy, myself and her sister (with assistance) We share the same germs and she has been listening to our voices and heart beats for 9 months. My intuition says pick her up at the slightest request from her. Nothing in me will allow her to ‘cry it out’ – it feels unnatural to me. She never cries anyway, the only times she even starts to is when a burp needs to come up and out, usually the burp comes out before the cry needs to. Olivia actually had to ask me to move her a bit after birth to encourage her to give us a bit of a cry to ensure she was taking deep enough breaths. (Please know that I do not share any of this to imply that you or any others should choose the mothering style I do. I simply share because this is what my intuition tells me to do. My hope is that when I share how I allow my intuition to guide me, that it gives others the strength to allow their own intuition to guide their own actions. That may mean an entirely different mothering style and that is 100% fine and right if it is right for you and your baby. Be confident, not in my heart, but in yours – your heart knows your ideal path.)
One of the midwives told me something that really rings true to me. Being an infant is the only time in our life when our wants are always also our needs. If she wants to be with me, she needs to. It is that simple. It is just like a horse, they do not play mind games. Only humans do that. Baby humans do not play mind games either. They exist in pure love and they deserve us to align with them there.
Our big human brain is great at complicating things. I used to think it would be crazy to birth a baby at home. Of course I would want to be in a hospital where I would be ‘safe’. For some pregnancies, you do need to be in a hospital, every birth is unique. There is a place for cesareans and medical intervention. I am very thankful for the medical doctors that offer this service. A properly trained midwife is very capable at offering medical support as well. Much more capable that I ever realized before. I think many folks are under the impression that they show up with a stick for you to put in your mouth to bare down on and a wet rag to put on your head and tell you when to push – but it is not like that at all. They truly bring the hospital to you, minus all the germs from sick people that come with it. Even though a midwife is very well trained and prepared to offer medical assistance, a low-risk pregnancy is not a medical condition. Giving birth is the most natural thing a woman can do. I am no more ‘superwoman’ than any other woman out there – we ALL are superwoman.
After both of my births all I wanted to do was talk about the experience. I wanted to relive that super natural high that comes with co-creating new life. It is odd to me that so many just brush over it. Everyone wants to know stats – baby’s weight and length, but they never ask about the experience of assisting in a miracle. Maybe they are scared to ask? – it seems the stories that are freely shared are the horror stories. I know with my first pregnancy that was all I heard – “Oh, you are pregnant – let me tell you what you are in for …” The birth stories that are told seem to be hand-picked by the same people that pick out what gets aired on the news. The reality is those ‘people’ are the masses that watch the news. It all funnels down to us and what we want to hear. Well, I want to hear the good stories. I want to hear about the miracles that do happen every day. One of those miracles is this birth story and I am telling it because it is the type of thing I want to hear.
‘Like attracts like’ is a more powerful concept than many seem to realize. This birth is what I desire my reality to be like. Sharing it brings more experiences like this to my reality. I know this because I have been practicing it for 5 years now. It began for me when I started craving a deeper connection with my creator. 2010 was a pivotal year, it was the same time frame that we had conceived our first daughter and I was gentling my first mustang. The more I practice focusing on the wonderful aspects of my reality, the more wonderful things appear. This does not mean that ‘bad’ things never happen. Of course they do, to us all. Rather it means releasing the negative and aligning with the positives in your life – we all have those too. I have often had people comment that God has been gracious with our family and I could not agree more, but God is gracious with everyone. I truly feel God has a miraculous path laid out for each of us. There are countless miracles and opportunities along this path that God (our creator) wants us to experience. By us experiencing them, God is gifted the experience of them too, because God is in each of us. We are one existence.
Everything has purpose, even pain. Things that cause pain in our body are typically warnings to us to be careful. It would hurt to cut off our arm, because it is in our best interest to have an arm. Many parts of the body do not hurt, the umbilical cord has no nerves, so it does not hurt to cut it. Our bodies are designed to thrive. We have built in clues to guide us as to how to live our best life. Labor is no exception. I think labor needs to be painful to get our attention. How else could our creator ensure that we would slow down enough to allow a new human to be birthed from our body and into the world? The pain stops us in our tracks – but labor is different from other types of pain.
Why is it that the same contractions that can be the most painful thing imaginable, can also be the most painless, magical thing imaginable too? I my opinion the answer to that is in what is happening when those contractions move to the painless, magical category. The only way to experience them this way (for me that is) is to fully align with them. To offer them my entire attention, to unify my body, mind and energy to the same flow the contractions are aligned with. To fully synchronize with my creative force within. That is what caused the pain to flow away for me. It makes since, because if the pain is meant to get our attention, then if we have truly given our attention and created full synchronicity – there is no need for the pain to get our attention anymore.
To take it a step further, the pain alleviating is a clear guide to what you need to do in body, mind and energy to fully synchronize with the creator. It is quite similar to what I experienced during the pregnancy itself. When I would get upset, my uterus warned me that I was off track through pain and more contractions.
We have these same clues in everyday life. They may be a bit more subtle, at least in the beginning, but they are there. Our stomach gets upset after eating too much sugar (especially refined sugar) because it is bad for us. We feel bad when working at a certain job, possibly because we are not meant to be there. Our emotional and physical feelings are our guide to synchronizing with our creative force within, aligning with God.
I knew this birth would be enlightening to me in ways I could not imagine. Our labor may have been short on the man-made clock we think of as ‘time’ – but it was long, wide and deep on the clock that is in time with what is truly real.
I feel that EVERY birth is a miracle. If you had a cesarean, or pain medication, or maybe you labored for days – your birth is equally as miraculous and divine. I hope that through my candid share of my experience that other mothers will be reminded of the super natural power that exists inside their human flesh. Our creator is within your soul, co-creating with you, in all that you do.
If anyone is considering a home birth and wants to talk more about it – I am an open book!